Tuesday, November 29, 2005

How Do These People Find Me?

I’m at the Check-Out Desk and Strange Man approaches with a stack of CDs and DVDs.

He says, “I wanna check these out.”

“No problem, do you have your library card with you today?”

“No, can ya look it up?”

“Sure, what's your phone number?”

He gets a little quiet. “I ain't got no phone, don't want the government know'n where I am.”

Trying to ignore the comment. “OK, what is your last name?”

He asks for a piece of paper. Writes his name down and passes it across the desk to me.

“Umm, you don't seem to be in the computer, is there any other name you go by?”

He’s offended. “I ain't in the computer. I don't want the government know'n where I am.”

“I see, but you can't borrow items from the library without a card. Would you like to get a card?”

“No, I don't wannna be in the computer. My old lady is though.”

“Do you have her card?”

He produces the card. I start putting the CDs and DVDs in the boxes.

“You know,” he says, “CDs are almost extinct.”

Wait for it.

“No, I didn't realize,” I say.

“Yep, they aren't going to be makin' um too much longer.”

Wait for it.

“You know what the government's gonna do, don't ya?”

I look up briefly, but decide to say nothing.

“Were all gonna be implanted with chips that play music and movies in our brains. That's why I don't want the government know’n where I am.” His eyes go WIDE while relaying this information.

And . . . there it is.

He continues, “My old lady though, she don't mind.”

“It is lucky then that she lets you use her library card. Of course, if the government has her address, they already know where you are.”

He shouts: “WHAT???”

By this time I have cased and check out all of his items.

“Here are your items, have a good day!”

“YOU MEAN THEY KNOW WHERE I AM? I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!” He drops the DVDs and CDs on the floor and runs out of the library.

The BITTER LIBRARIAN strikes again!


At 1:58 PM, Blogger nylijen said...

Makes you want to send an anonymous letter to his Mother's house saying "We know where you live." just to mess with his head.

At 2:13 PM, Blogger bitterlibrarian said...

That's a GREAT idea! . . . I mean . . . SHAME on you . . .

At 11:12 AM, Blogger Heather said...

OMG!!! At least he didn't tell you to stop letting them in his brain and ask that the library be incased in tin foil to protect his thoughts from them. LOL!!! If you want I can send our crazy tin foil patron north to you.


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