Monday, April 17, 2006

My Favorite Day of the Whole Year

This is a sadistic little confession: my favorite day of the year is the day after Tax Day. And it's not because I am relieved to have my taxes done, or any of the other "normal" reasons one might assume if they didn't know me any better. This is the one day of the year I absolutely jump out of bed and rise to the occasion and speed to work because . . . this is the day I get my revenge for every time I've had to answer the redundant question, "Where are the tax forms?"

Believe it or not, for an entire week after Tax Day, people still come streaming into the library looking for tax forms. Unbeknownst to them, however, I arrive EARLY to work on this most special of days and be sure to discard EVERY SINGLE ONE! So that when they come beating down the door, I can say politely (with my most sadistic smile), "We don't have any tax forms." Of course I give them my best spurious, sympathatic expression.

What I don't say, but I think it very loudly and hope they still hear me:

*cakle, cackle* I spent all morning emptying them into the dumpster in the back, howling like a school boy who's just looted his first porn shop and got away with it. They're all just lying there, dormant. Everything you need is only 10 feet from your car, and waiting for you to pick it up and take it home. But you don't know they're there SO YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM! *cackle, cackle*

And while I'm thinking this, if I'm feeling particularly saucey, I'll make it a little joke and say, innocelty of course, "But Tax Day was yesterday."

Do they think the IRS won't notice if they turn it in late? . . . Alas, but that is a topic for another blog.

HAPPY DAY AFTER TAX DAY, EVERYONE! I sincerely hope you enjoy yours!

Monday, April 10, 2006

A Word About Da Vinci

There’s noting that gets my goose more than these stupid spin-off titles of the popular book The Da Vinci Code. I realize the publishers are just trying to make a quick buck. And I can even understand and stomach the “analysis” books. But come on . . . Work Like Da Vinci: Gaining the Creative Advantage in Your Business And Career and The Diet Code: Revolutionary Weight Loss Secrets from Da Vinci and the Golden Ratio. I'm not making these up. The truth is far more serious. Then there is: Da Vinci Method: Break out and Express Your Fire. And the classic: How To Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci.

Now, let’s take a moment to reflect. Why was the great man Leonardo Da Vinci so extraordinary? BECAUSE HE WAS ORIGIONAL! In his day, while everyone else was reading the lastest diet and self-help books, he was devising new ways of thinking.

The sadest part of these so called “books” is that people are reading them, and worse, people are buying them. “Great! I can learn to be original just like everyone else!”