Monday, April 17, 2006

My Favorite Day of the Whole Year

This is a sadistic little confession: my favorite day of the year is the day after Tax Day. And it's not because I am relieved to have my taxes done, or any of the other "normal" reasons one might assume if they didn't know me any better. This is the one day of the year I absolutely jump out of bed and rise to the occasion and speed to work because . . . this is the day I get my revenge for every time I've had to answer the redundant question, "Where are the tax forms?"

Believe it or not, for an entire week after Tax Day, people still come streaming into the library looking for tax forms. Unbeknownst to them, however, I arrive EARLY to work on this most special of days and be sure to discard EVERY SINGLE ONE! So that when they come beating down the door, I can say politely (with my most sadistic smile), "We don't have any tax forms." Of course I give them my best spurious, sympathatic expression.

What I don't say, but I think it very loudly and hope they still hear me:

*cakle, cackle* I spent all morning emptying them into the dumpster in the back, howling like a school boy who's just looted his first porn shop and got away with it. They're all just lying there, dormant. Everything you need is only 10 feet from your car, and waiting for you to pick it up and take it home. But you don't know they're there SO YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM! *cackle, cackle*

And while I'm thinking this, if I'm feeling particularly saucey, I'll make it a little joke and say, innocelty of course, "But Tax Day was yesterday."

Do they think the IRS won't notice if they turn it in late? . . . Alas, but that is a topic for another blog.

HAPPY DAY AFTER TAX DAY, EVERYONE! I sincerely hope you enjoy yours!


At 10:53 PM, Blogger Happy Villain said...

Here's a good one. Someone (a "civilian") recently told me his library doesn't carry the forms anymore to cut back on expenses. When I told him we don't pay for the forms, he was not happy. What a clever library to stop carrying the forms and say it's a financial drain!

Wouldn't it be better if we could have a bonfire with them on Tax Day +1?

At 9:56 AM, Blogger bitterlibrarian said...

Yes, kicking off January 1st with a bonfire would be a GREAT way to start the season.

But I don't think we need to add to the number of confused and pissed off patrons we already have on a regular basis. They're tormented enough as it is . . .


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